Five more schlitzes in, things occur to me that wouldn't have occurred to an unlubricated brain. This has occcured to me before, but now I have realized the unfiltered lucidity that the sauce brings. My feet are very, very big. I wear, like, a size thirteen. I could be a baller if such trifles as athletic prowess, a competitive spirit, and years of practice weren't part and parcel of excellence at sport. That's right, I challenge ye lesser men to gaze at my enormous pedesticular phallices and not stand in right wonder and envy.
Excuse me for a moment, I must vomit.
I am back.
They (mostly alcoholics) say that beer is proof that God loves and wants us to be happy. This puts me in mind of...
Okay, I'm back again.
... Tom Waits. my buddy Greg turned me onto him lately. And Tom Waits says "you know there ain't no devil there's just god shwhen he's drunk.' That is it. That is IT! There's no more to say than that. That is wisdom. That is scripture. That is Melville and Beckett and Tolstoy all wrapped up in one (but not all gay or anything). I have, my friends, in my beer-induced unsilent lucidity discovered the ultimate non-answer underlying all things. Enlightenment, I embrace thee warmly. It has been a long time, my friend, as if summoned up from another life.
Lo and behold, a fresh cold can of Schlitz awaits me on the counter just around the corner from the desk at which I now sit. And having pieced together the root source of everything, at last, the whole of this outlandish pageant we call 'life', there is nothing left but for me to shotgun this can of beer.
You know what else Tom Waits says? "I don;t have a drinking problem except when I can't get a drink." The rest, as they say, is silence.
You know what else Tom Waits says? "I don;t have a drinking problem except when I can't get a drink." The rest, as they say, is silence.
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